My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
