My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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