soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
