stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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