I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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