I think scott just propositioned me for sex
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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