I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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