omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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