Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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