there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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