Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
nutella sex= disaster
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I wear drunk well.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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