Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Randomize
