Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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