I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
