she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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