you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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