I have demons in me.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
