I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
