I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
