Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
