oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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