hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
