I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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