take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
