I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
