Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
