dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
