i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
