I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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