Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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