My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
