i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
