By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
