I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
dude. I can hear the air.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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