What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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