dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
