brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
