the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
