i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
