worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
