so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
