I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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