I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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