last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
