I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
