I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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