Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
