God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
