Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wish you could order shots online.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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