It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
