I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he was CRYING into my vagina
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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