I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
